A New Blog, A New Home.

Who remembers the days when people actually used MySpace? Long time ago. There was once a time when I would happily spend hours at the screen of my computer and laptop, tapping the keyboard merrily keeping friends updated with the daily happenings of my life.

Come the beginning of 2009, though, those blogs seemed long gone, but clearly not forgotten. So it begins again - a new life injected into my blogs and a happy new home here at Blogger. It certainly seems to be a more appropriate place for them compared to MySpace.

So why? What's the reason behind the revival? Simple answer, really.

It has come to my attention that I haven't really been the fun-loving person I always was, thanks to Little Phil pointing this out on Saturday in GameStation. He wasn't talking about me, though, even though I felt a strong connection to what it was he was talking about.

It seems that some of our friends have gone astray from what they once were and it's a bit upsetting to say the least. There was a time where I could pick up my phone say "right guys, we're gonna go out and do this today" and we did it. Nowadays, though, our circle is littered with people who just don't want to go, who don't want to do anything and it's affecting us somewhat.

Let us, in fact, rewind the clocks almost 2 years and see where we were then to where we are now.

First stop, and possibly the biggest stop: Midget. Once the biggest encouragement for a night out is now, seemingly, the almost complete opposite. We all fell in love with a guy who was outrageous, not afraid to take some risks and a fucking awesome dancer. What about now, Craig? I know it isn't easy affording a car right now, but it's a big step to go from the sheer awesomeness of the Suzuki Cappucino, to a family-man's Rover.



You know fine well how much you want to get back in that thing - why else would it still be sitting on your driveway? Or is that down to the other changes? Maybe becoming a bit pedantic? Or is it down to feeling too sensible and you keep that as a reminder that, one day, you know you're gonna let loose again?

You could argue the toss that you're still the guy you were when I first met you, but the guy who constantly acts the fool is a thing of the past, it seems. Yes, acting like a twonk does have its downsides because we knew you were putting it on which took away the effect, but when was the last time you ended up facing the wrong way on a roundabout? Or the last time you set a deoderant can on fire?

Hell, even Hally's recent BBQ wasn't all that eventful and seriously toned down from previous years, but the biggest part we all miss is that freakishly fantastic dancer we had. Sure, you still get up and do the odd jig, but where were you on Saturday? Nowhere. Playing loads of the stuff we thrived on in Ku Club, yet on the dancefloor we saw your's trully, Andy, Little Phil and Hally - hell, even Juliet was up and dancing, but not Midget.

Again, you could argue the toss that you're not a bore, but the simple fact is you've seriously toned yourself down since meeting Vanessa - which brings me onto my next point; Vanessa. She fell for that freakish dancer, that risk-taker and loveable fool that you were and I thought you knew that. There's not much she's done to try and change you, in fact, she encourages your outrageousness more than most of us.

Next on the list is Hally. Thankfully, this one isn't a bitching session. I've always been told about an Andrew Hall who let himself go every once in a while, who went out and had fun, but I never really saw it because he was madly pussy-whipped. I think he's realised the chain isn't to tight and I'm beginning to see what everyone was talking about now.

We used to go to Ku Club, we used to go to Trillions, we used to go to Baroque, we used to go to Passion, we used to go to Legends, we used to go to Krash, but none of these really seemed to tickle Hally the right way. Then a couple of weeks back we went to Annie McCarthy's. Wow. That's all I have to say. I've been there twice in the past 2 weeks and the one person I see up there on that dancefloor more than anyone is Hally. This behaviour needs to be encouraged.

We then move on to Andy. Again, not a negative one, really. Andy in a relationship = awesome! Andy out of a relationship = even more friggin' awesome! I've always loved Andy and is, quite possibly, the only boyfriend my sister has had who I've ever really liked. I'm not totally sure what the deal is, but Andy + relationships don't tend to go too well for too long - I don't know if it's because he doesn't really like being tied down or whether being in a relationship disrutps his creative flow, but I know he'll get that the way he wants it.

Anyway, more to the point. Andy has the sort of attitude a lot of us should maybe strive for. He's calm on the most part, he will gladly protect the feelings of his friends, but may/not draw the line if doing so will put a strain on a relationship he has with someone else. He's very outgoing and not afriad to get stuck in. He hasn't changed too much since the day I met him, but he certainly seems a lot more confident now than when I first met him.

Little Phil would be the next. Still pretty much the same arrogant, up-his-own-ass twat he was when I met him, but that's his charm. He's a strong believer in the whole dog-eat-dog thing; "you're either with me or against me", which is reflected in his attitude. He know I'm 100% on his side in almost any battle. Look at it this way; he'll take the piss out of everyone, but he won't do it to me.

Why? I take the piss out of everyone with him is why. Example. Bullock rages, Bullock rages hard, because he bites at everything we take the piss out of him for, be it the lack of sex, the way he talks about the TA 24/7 or just his failings in general (we'll come to that in a bit). Phil takes the piss out of Bullock for everything and I join him.

Lets say Little Phil has something to take the piss out of me for - join in with him and he won't be a dick to you later. That's how he works. This has made Sarah rage at me a few times, but hey.

* I'm not talking about Bullock yet, that will probably be the biggest rant out of the lot, so that'll wait *

So next instead is probably Clarky. Love the guy, I really do. Guy's just spent God-knows how long out in Afghan and he returns home with nothing as it was. Can't say I'm surprised, but I don't think he is either, really. We've been out a few times with him and he's seen it from the outside - none of us are really that much fun-loving anymore, not compared to what we were a year ago.

This is what I'm getting at with this first blog - some people have changed dramatically in just the last year and it's not all good. It's a good reason to start writing again, is it not? Reminding you all of what you were in an attempt to respark what was once a glorious fire. As a group we were unstoppable, but now it's difficult even just to bring us all together.

Clarky's noticed this instantly, because he's seen the sudden change, not the gradual decline of our group over the past year.

For God's sake, guys, we need to bash our heads together otherwise this won't last too much longer. The camping trip, for example; is it even going to work? Yea we'll all go, we'll probably get slaughtered on drink, but will it be any fun?

Lets start off with the location, about a stone's throw away from where you all went last year - Little Phil and Hally already don't want to come and that's going to be a huge loss because, as implied with the blog so far, they're the ones keeping this group on its feet right now.

We're going to be left with a Craig who will probably sob about being so far away from Vanessa (prove me wrong, dude - do it) and a Bullock who will most likely rage at not picking up a random Scottish lass, and what about the rest? We need to look at ourselves and think about what we're bringing to this camping trip. I don't mean in supplies, I mean in personality - do we even have the personality any more to make this a FUCKING AWESOME camping trip? I'm not so sure.

I'm going to be at my worst up there, believe me. I'm going to get really fucking hammered for the first time in over 2 years, I'm going to drag you guys to do whatever fun shit comes our way and beat the shit out of anyone who doesn't conform. If I see a cliff I want to jump down, we're doing it. If we see some random we wanna scare the shit out of, we're doing it. We're not doing this to have another night out at Wetherspoon's. We're going out there to make a mark in our lives - a mark that says that these were awesome times, not ones of hardship.

I finally want to talk about Bullock - I'll try and keep it sort.

I know he's been away for God-knows how long to the Czech Republic then just randomly appears back at the doorstep, but he's clearly been the hot topic since the whole Andy/Joy fiasco that first night out at Annie Mac's.

I don't want to sit and slate him too much, because God help me I love the fucker, but someone needs to get this point across to him. First, though, I just want to apologise to him for the way I've acted recently and that, at times, I may come across a little harsh. I know these are tough times for him going through the grief he is. So I apologise.

BUT - and that's a but bigger than Sarah's. BUT, there is just something that needs to be said. It's been said before, I know it has, but Bullock really, REALLY, needs to lay off the pussy-chase and if he sits and reads this carefully he might actually get why.

Right.

We know, Bullock, you're going through a dry patch. You're seeing girls you like and you're getting rejected. This gets you a little frustrated after a while, I know, Bullock, I've been through those dry patches myself as have most of us, but you're not helping yourself in any way, shape or form.

This might seem a little unorthodox, but there have honestly been times I've just thought of hiring you a prostitute, I really have. Not to insult you that you need to pay for sex, but even just to get your confidence up just a tiny little bit to get you out of this downward spiral you're clearly heading down.

The whole Danielle thing didn't fail because of Alex or Joy or anyone other than yourself. The whole Danielle saga might seem a little pointless on its own, but the bigger picture shows that this will be the outcome of every female you encounter until you change your approach

This is what I did. I was in the same spot as you (remember the Celeste thing?). I was getting rather desperate then, but I didn't let that get to me. I wasn't about to let some dry patch stop me from getting someone. Just stop trying. Seriously. It's as simple as that.

Well, I say simple - it's actually insanely difficult to not tell a lass how you feel, but that's what you've got to do. Just play the cool guy and try to overcome your social awkwardness, because that's what's setting you back the most. Do yourself a favour and take a female, a fucking GORGEOUS female and say to yourself "right, I'm not picking this one up tonight". Walk up to her say "hi, my name's Karl, what's your's?".

You'll get some negative responses as a lot of women just kinda expect guys to want sex from them the minute they make eye contact, but you'll be surprised how many positive responses you'll get just by saying 'hi'.

Don't rely on your looks. Please don't. Of course make yourself look respectable, but don't rely on looks from across the bar to work, because they don't. Relationships on any level begin to work the minute you open your trap. Whether it be an internet friendship, a friendship IRL or even a romance - they all start by communication between the two parties.

The idea of just having a conversation with a lass and not taking her home is that you need a confidence builder. Knowing you can walk up to anyone, no matter how hawt she is, and just be able to talk (not about the TA), will make you more confident and, in turn, will help your chances of something actually going somewhere.

Your other option is date rape, but I think that's a little illegal? Not sure. Might wanna carry some of that on you just in case it's not going too well.

The female problem is also directly linked to your rage problem, or as I now like to call them "Bull". Instead of "I raged" you say "I Bull'd", because your name has now been directly linked with raging. Whenever someone rages or thinks about someone raging, you're instantly brought up in conversation. Again, it's down to the lack of female attention.

Try this one on for size. Keep a pen handy. If you feel like you're going to rage, stick it in your mouth and I will hand you my phone which is littered with awesome daily jokes. Read a few, you'll be laughing your ass off and you'll avoid the rage.

I have created a rage-o-meter for your purpose.


That actually came out really bad, but you get the picture. You see on the left are the uber cool cats like Ashby and Andy who just never get worked up about anything. Then you've got Clarky on the right-ish who, we know, loves to get in a good rage and beat the shit out of someone in a night club.

Bullock, your rage is a different type of rage to Clarky's in that you don't actively seek out fights in clubs, BUT your rage is teetering dangerously close to the edge. You're about one rage away from having a system shut down and you're gonna go fucking loopy - no joke.

You need to go from where you are to about Little Phil's level for a start, then work your way on becoming a cool-cat like Andy. Learn to control it.

Don't try so hard with the girls, either. That's what fucked up with Danielle, you try too hard. Back off, let her make the moves and you'll get what's coming to you - a nice big bowl of pussy. I drink Guinness - Good things come to those who wait. Key word - wait. Don't let the pussy rule you, rule the pussy, then they obey you.

I think I've had enough rant for one morning after work - night!