Oh...

Didn't realise it had been a whole two weeks since my last installment. I guess my life is much busier than I had originally thought...

I've just been really off lately. Apparently people have picked up on it. I guess I feel a little frustrated at the moment as I'm used to life having a bit of a fast pace; things used to be going on constantly and there was always something to occupy my mind. I feel really good when I sense that my life is rolling in a certain direction.

That's where the problem begins. I feel like this rolling ball of life has been slowed to an almost complete halt and it's getting me down. Over the past few months I've done quite a bit: we've had Christmas, and Easter. I've had people come into my life I'm greatful for and some who I wish would just fuck off. I've made progress in pursuing my career and slight progress pursuing some money.

It's all stopped dead, though. You know when you get that feeling that something isn't quite finished? It plays on your mind and you have to finish it? That's how I'm feeling with almost every aspect of my life right now. I don't feel I'm getting enough money, I don't feel I'm progressing quickly enough in my chosen career path, I don't feel like I'm ever going to move out, I don't feel like I'm ever going to make it off this God-forsaken island and see a country that isn't in the UK! I don't feel like I'm connecting with anyone right now.

I don't feel like there are many people out there who are sharing my ambitions. I'm not saying people don't have their ambitions. A lot of people at the minute seem to want to head towards the nuclear family and that's great, I'm happy for them, but that's not for me - not yet, at least.

On the other end of the scale you have the 'pub mates' who you only ever really see within the confines of a bar, next to a glass of alcohol. These are the people who I have fought so hard to not become, yet, with every passing week I find myself more and more inclined to spend my weekends amongst the same bunch of rambling idiots downing the nearest bottle of poison.

I guess that's what is getting me down most recently. I'm normally the one wanting to go out and do things that doesn't require a bar and a bartender, but I really can't bother myself enough to get up and do something worthwhile and I'm in a downward spiral because of it. Hell, even being invited out recently I haven't really wanted to come out and - unless there has been alcohol involved - I've shot off home at the earliest convenience.

My relationships with everyone seems to be put on hold right now. I don't feel like seeing anyone, being around anyone for no reason in particular other than the fact there's nothing going on... I have nothing to talk about so when I'm out I'm not good company and when I do go out and do have a drink I end up being a complete dickhead that nobody wants to associate with.

I'm just praying for the next chapter to get underway promptly as I'm sick of being left on this eternal cliffhanger. When will I advance in my job? How long is my next lot of money going to last? Who's going to be my friend tomorrow? Who's not?

I need some words. Be it words of encouragement, words of wisdom or words of constructive criticism. I need guidance onto the next big part of my life because this limbo is torturous on my general happiness.